Freedom is much more than
walking down the street, breathing in fresh air and expelling internal poison,
feeling each step
moving forward, unchained.
I have been a prisoner of myself,
There was nothing left to do
but I could not do
it is something I dislike but must accept.
I believe there is no one quite like me.
I have to learn to
The best of myself I gave to the rest:
the ones who slithered their way into my heart,
Gave me the apple and called it Love.
If this was Love, I was destined to be doomed.
flash-backing from the past
Now here I reside
and I’m alive
but inside it’s apparent my soul
I give advice better than I can take it,
and I took it;
I took it until I was bruised,
Forbidden fruit tossed aside once they got what they wanted out of me.
Why did I take it?
Can’t blame myself, can’t hate the fact that I was naive.
I knew better
but I didn’t know
This was what I was used to, all that I knew-
All I had learned but I yearned for so much more.
Spoiled is not a word I’d use to describe
Gave so much until I had nothing left.
It took decades to discover
I am worth so much more.
then, as if directed by fate,
trauma immediately followed,
never giving me a chance to breathe in that freedom-
that peace of mind I was
yet never realized (until too late)
that it was always mine for the taking.
Seen mostly for beauty, they ignored my brain-
I was smarter than they’d assumed
but couldn’t gather the strength to break through,
Some days now worse than others,
my thoughts run wild as I lie stiff.
Struggle, daily struggle to pull myself out of the
comfort of the comforter
one left behind;
I should be using mine
its headaches can’t be tolerated-
even what’s mine still is not mine.
Angry that I can refuse its insignificant power
I took so much more
than anyone should live through.
I survived it,
I can’t forget it.
And because of
Pain crushes every cell in my bones-
its toxicity runs through me.
A hell I can’t escape, there is no key for this door that locks me inside,
and my dreams hold the secrets of a life
In my shadow self I am so much more
than anyone ever bargained for;
I awe them all with everything.
they told me I was too stupid to accomplish.
In my dreams
In my dreams,
I can do