a buck one-oh-two
i barely have balance to strap on this backpack i keep sewn to my
i wish to god they knew how it felt to be on
they’re killing me, i cry
they’re killing me while you just stand by
shaking your head, tired of this
am also tired
mind is confused
memory is beaten, damaged, abused and
my brain isnt functioning like it used to.
and it used to
blow their minds.
now i wonder if ive blown mine.
when will they save me?
when will they get it?
forty-8 hours ago i lay collapsed
face down in the leaves of a yard i should feel safe inside
puking the poison
i know ive been poisoned
pun not intended,
not this time.
are you going to wait until its too late
i cant hold on much longer
any day now i shall succumb to hate or fate,
after all, it is getting close to winter
id made a secret promise to myself,
i wont see the winter if i have to see it here.
institutionalization is not what i need
but they cant see
that i cant breathe
they cant see im falling apart and not because my mind is broken
someone broke it
they are guiding me, remote controlling
but no one cares
god damn i have told the truth
they label it paranoia.
if you were here you would know
if you were here you could see what they have done to me
but no one is here
no one wants to be here
and they say its all my fault.
the skeleton sculptor asked me
did you know
not their dna
not their born-of
you are not theirs and i couldnt speak i
hot fumes escaping through my teeth
but i felt nothing
i was more alone than ever, and i am reminded of this daily when i am told
you are not wanted here.
there are others that dont want me here
and i look at photos to make me smile but i find hidden meanings and i
sob and cant sleep
and i wonder when will they save me
and months go by and no one does
no one has time
they can’t see, they dont realize
and i am slowly dying
i am suffering
i wouldn’t if i weren’t here
this house has become night of the living dead through my air vents
through my fridge and i dont sit outside
i dont know
the ones who are
aren’t the ones i want.
a hug could do so much
so much but as always, denied
they are killing me, dad, i cry
7 years and ive been wasting away
doing my best but still wasting away
dear god i am told to pray and even he does not listen.
holidays birthdays weekends days months years
and i can not survive much longer
ive got a bet with myself
will i be the key to the door of my demise or should i wait
wait and let the shadows kill me
anything can hide in the dark
good and evil
the night shields both
and i wonder
which team will win the game?