have you ever believed in fairy tales so much that
real life
seemed dull in comparison?
have you ever wished for another life
another day
another heart that beats
the very same bass you
rock?
i dont march to a different drummer because i
would rather be the drummer than
the listener
though most times i
dont
mind.
i have made mistakes
i’ll be among the first to admit i haven’t been proud
of things i regret
things i’d reset
things i would not do over again if paid but i
digress
there isn’t anything you can do to make me love you
less
im sure you have a list prepared for me.
i can not say
how can i make it up
i cant make it up
because it’s something so far that i just cant touch
it
(you can’t touch this)
never touched that
never took the time to put doubt in the questions i asked
always the opposite of what id hoped
nothing one can do when someone closes the door you worked so hard to
open
find another key
find another way
find another life to bring you out of disarray
blame yourself another 30 years
but it wont get you any farther
it wont get you where you can swim rather than
tiredly tread water
and no one looks good in a wet
glamorous gown
i keep getting told its not time and i was wrong and its not mine
but i ignore them
grab my thorny crown and wear it with
pride
wear it as they stare and laugh
you dont know what ive been through
i think
you dont know what i’ve endured
i sigh
ive been there but wont go back
its not worth it
its not worth reaching the sky and having no tact
its not worth
much
not even a refund at the dollar store
but i know i want more
i deserve more and not because im entitled
(i have no title)
its for all the reasons i hold locked in my core
and i would let it all go
but the fear is
who would i be
without what i was?

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